Choices

I started this blog a bit ago but after talking to a dear friend decided I needed to go about it a different way.

Here is the deal….I’m having a hard time accepting the way I physically look. OK, so I’ve gone through a cancer treatment. Lost both breasts…and I survived it! Why isn’t it enough?

I hate the way I look. My hair is coming in – and it IS blond. Don’t listen to the family members trying to convince me it is really gray! Not true!! Right now it is super short and spiky. Might be cute had I not gained so much weight.

I tried on an adorable sleeveless blouse this morning. Does NOT work with the fake boobs. The bra I wear that hold them shows way too much. Back to the darned t-shirts.

My weight weighs heavy on my mind. (Yes, pun intended). I started a diet last week and gained 3 pounds. Hmmmm….I think my body has oppositional defiance disorder. UGH! OK, I also fell off my shoe last week. Got a new pair of those “step-ups” that are suppose to help trim the legs and rear end. Fell off of them, sprained my ankle and couldn’t take walks like I had planned. I’m a dork. :o)

Choices….I was told I needed to make CHOICES. The choice to feel like crap or the choice to go forward….be strong….get over it and live up to my real potential.  Basically quit feeling sorry for myself – which I have been doing.

That is what I will try to do. It isn’t easy, let me tell you. But I’m going to try!

Camping seaon 2010!

I am SO EXCITED!! Camping season 2010 has started! A year ago Perry and I braved the Mother’s Day weekend chills and went camping. This year we decided to wait a couple weeks. The weekend of the 21st we will be off camping! The tent is now set up for tonight. Bon fire and fun will be a guarantee!

Sad day

A few days ago we lost a dear friend to a very aggressive cancer. Dale and his wife are friends that we met because of the Bassets. What a wonderful couple. Today was Dale’s memorial service. I spent a great deal of time thinking about him. He was diagnosed at about the time I finished chemo. It really hit me in the heart.

Perry and I have their two basset hounds for a couple days. Julie thought it best to have them go somewhere during the memorial so she didn’t have to worry about them. We were honored to help her out. I think about the “what if it were me” thing. You know how it goes. If it were me I know I would want to make sure my hounds were safe and being loved and cared for. Its the very least we could do for such a special man and special woman.

Thank you for being our friend, Dale! We miss you!

Gotta love those honest doctors!

I had my first follow up appointment with Dr. Garino (my oncologist). It was a pretty good appointment! Mostly good news and a tid bit of sort-of-kind of bad news (although not THAT bad). You’ll see!

My blood work is superb! Everything physically has gotten back to where it needs to be. We spent some time talking about fatigue. Afterall, if I’m all done with chemo and my blood work is good why am I so tired? Simple! My body is working over time to get to the point where it is okay! Rest rest and more rest. (Oh sure).

We went over the path report from my ovary removal and it shows nothing more than plain old regular looking ovarian cells. YIPPY!

I get to have the port removed. Alright!!! I HATE it! I’d rather have blood draws done from my arm anyway. Not to mention the fact that Cailin likes to hold onto my port when I hold her. That is not very comfortable for me. LOL

I have a bone density scan at the end of this week. I’ll have them annually now for the next 5 years.

Today was day 1 of 1825 days total of taking Arimidex. Arimidex is a hormone treatment given to postmenopausal women to reduce a recurrence of breast cancer by lowering the amount of estrogen produced by the body. It’s a 5 year regime. 

Side effects:  softening of the bone (therefore the need for the bone density scans). Increased risk of ischemic heart disease (lovely). Hotflashes (are you kidding me? Can they get any worse?), joint pain (UGH), weakness, mood changes, pain, back pain, sore throat, nausea and vomiting, rash, depression, high blood pressure, osteoporosis, fractures, swelling of arms/legs, insomnia, and headache. Poor Perry! :o) OK, so these are just the possible effects and of course not everyone experiences them.

OK – the “not so good news” but kind of good news in the end. And this is where the honesty of a good doctor comes into play. And this is where the embarrassment on my part comes in. “Lisa, you need to lose weight.” There – she said it. And I’ve known it for years. Only one of my dearest friends has said this to me recently. And it was more appreciated than anything I have heard in a long time. Just shows how much she really cares about the whole me!

The next question was, “do you want to do this yourself or do you need help?” Well, I’m 45, have known for many years I need to lose weight and have not yet done it.  Let’s see….

So, on Friday I go in to the oncology office to start working with the nutritionist. She also recommended walking and weight training. LOL Are you picturing this? The great thought of taking a dog for a walk won’t work. They are all old and walk slower than I do!

I’ll let you all now what happens! I’m tired just thinking about it!!

I love Saturdays!

What a great easy going day! Perry and I took a very leisurely stroll to Caribou Coffee this morning. Took us just over an hour to go about 6 blocks. Not out fault! We have the poky-paced Snickers with us! She didn’t get a treat at Caribou (being diabetic she does not need extra treats) so decided to walk as slow as she could on the way home.

Anna is at Camp Ripley for the weekend. Even though she isn’t around much anyway I always miss her when she’s gone. Maybe its not so much that she is gone as much as it is she is at a drill weekend….another sign that she is growing up! She leaves for basic training in July. Not sure how I’m going to manage her being gone!

Perry is out doing yard work. To be honest – I’m having a tough time keeping up with the housework. The kids and Perry help out a great deal, don’t get me wrong. But no one can do it as well as me! LOL During chemo and after the surgeries I had a hard time keeping up. Now? Its just hard to really care when I know we are moving in a couple months. In fact…only 2 months from now!   It breaks my heart that we are losing the home we love so dearly. BUT – I thank God each day that we have a place to go because of the kindness of a friend! So, I keep looking at the good and turning a cheek to the bad. But I still don’t feel like cleaning! :o)

So, today I am just sitting her playing with the computer. I’ll enjoy a glass of wine (or two). Feeling happy about my life. I have a job I love! I have a great family (even though none of my kids seem to be willing to move out)….what more can I ask for??

Mixed Emotions

Today is a day full of contrasting emotions. Yesterday afternoon some dear friends celebrating the birth of their second son! Callum Liam Holder was born yesterday. He is very healthy and he and mom are doing wonderfully!

Yesterday evening I received the sad news that another dear friend lost her husband to a very aggressive and fast moving cancer.  Just 3 months ago he was out shoveling the driveway. And now he is gone.

I’ve gone from feeling the joy of a new life to the sorrow of the loss of live. Amazing how the circle of life goes on.

To Callum – God bless you and welcome to the world! You are so lucky to have the family you have been born into!

To Dale – forever will you be in my heart. Your love for your family and the hounds will be in our memories.